Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Happy 2006!

I was reading back on some of my entries in 2005 and I was amazed at the fluctuations in my attitude and speech. In the beginning it was "I'm gonna say what I want. I'm not giving up who I am." Then I got to be a little more and a little more calm and collected in my thoughts and speech. Then back again with "It's party time! The old me is back!" Then VERY quickly I realized my mistake and ducked down ashamed of what I'd said.
After Stephanie passed away, my tone was much more mellow and it picked up a bit of steam on the way out the door. Well, here I am again and who knows what I'll be in a month from now or even a week. Still searching for a ME that will stick.

Thinking back on 2005 has got me thinking back on ME and my life. The best side of me loves everyone I meet and cares about the welfare of every stranger. The worst side will say exactly what I know will hurt the worst and only cares about my own welfare. The best side of me wants to serve the Lord by serving others. The worst side believes in only serving myself. I'm trying my best to let my best side shine through and I'm hoping that with that, my worst side will grow weak enough that it just won't show through.

Now I know I'm human. My flaws will definitely work their way to the surface. More in the beginning and less as I gain control over myself. Perhaps that's what all the fluctuations are for. I am 27 and I still don't know if I'm a self-centered jerk or a deeply caring individual. Perhaps the answer is that I'm both or at least capable of being both and I need to work on choosing the right more than the wrong.

So it's 2006. Time for a new beginning. Here are my New Years Resolutions:

- To do more things that I know I'll never regret having done and to avoid doing things that I might regret having done. For instance, I'll never look back and say, "I wish I spent less time with loved ones" but I could say, "I wish I hadn't spent so much time online".

- To eat more healthy and exercise more in 2006 than I did in 2005. If I do this successfully every year what could go wrong? If I fail, then there's always next year but I at least want to try.

- To get my temple recommend before the end of the year and preferably by the time my sister's work can be done for her.

- To spend more time with my wife. Even if it's just sitting on the couch watching a TV show I don't really like.

- To try and enjoy life more than just survive it. I worry so much about work and finances and what I should or shouldn't be doing, that I often don't take the time to enjoy the beauty of moments and things around me.

- To spend less money on things I can't take with me when I die and more on things that will live with me forever. So less on gadgets and more on giving to others or special trips to see family.

So there you have it. My first post of 2006. Let's see where I am in 365 days.


At 6:35 PM , Blogger All Hail King Butcher! said...

My resolution for 2006: build a shrine to my own bad ass.


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