Friday, October 22, 2004

Is this the beginning of the apocalypse?!

Have the Red Sox really beaten the Yankees in Game 7 after being down three games to none? It took 12 innings in Game 4 (in which the Red Sox were literally ONE OUT away from losing the game and being swept in the series) and then 14 in game 5. It took a man who's tendon in his right ankle was not attatched to his bone, who had to have it intertwined in his skin to keep it from moving so he could pitch, who literally turned his white socks RED with his blood pitching 7 of the best innings of his life in game 6. It then took us to Game 7 and you can read for the account of Butch and I watching the game at Fred's Mexican Cafe to relive the dream that came true. A little light in what has been very dark times in the life of one CZzyzx41.

I found out yesterday my mom's been on drugs for years. My dad knew she was on MJ and crystal but wasn't surprised that she was also on Crack. I never even suspected because of how against drugs she was on the outside. Maybe the talks came from experience.

My mom isn't who I thought she was. I've been lied too my whole life. Now don't get me wrong I actually appreciate it but a fact is still a fact like a lie is still a lie. Not telling someone the truth is a lie even when you literally say nothing.

So Victoria and I are going to Montclair tomorrow to meet with a notary and sign an affidavit giving us custody of Rachel for the time being and legal right to act as her parents. It'll be really weird being dad to my half-sister. Then again I did spend many an afternoon after coming home from school, feeding her the afternoon bottle. We have been close since she was born.

So I'm on the edge of breakdown today. The responsibility, the new revelations, the weight of trying to emulate Christ through this whole ordeal and the realization of just how many people are affected by my mom's decisions and just how much they're's too much right now.

Anyways. Game 1 between the Cardinals and Red Sox starts Saturday. The Buccaneers suck this year. ARGH! If only they could offer me solace. I have to turn to the Chargers or Patriots instead. At least the Pats are undefeated.

So much pain. Without the Lord...I wouldn't make it through. He has given me strength. The Holy Spirit has worked as the greatest comforter the world has ever (or will ever) know. My Heavenly Father loves me. I know this. He's seeing me through this and it pains him as much as it does me...well more cause he has that eternal perspective that I don't. He's feeling the anguish and pain of each and every human, animal, plant, molecule on earth and I can't even fathom that sort of pain.

Well back to work...


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